No Time 4 U

Hello there. It’s been a good while since I posted. I don’t even know if I have any more followers that will still read this. I wanted to write for a while but couldn’t really find a specific topic. My life has completely changed since I last posted and trying to summarize it all in one post would be overwhelming for myself and to any readers. I’ll list three bullet points that will give you the quickest catch up.

  • I moved to Washington (state not D.C)
  • I have a full time career
  • I basically quit sugaring…

Ok, so here we are. I live alone in an apartment in town and my days consist of working or thinking about working. I don’t know if it’s my job or if it’s like this for all post graduates, but my career consumes me. I spent my entire college career ensuring I work hard to get a good job like this, and don’t get me wrong… I’m very grateful, but damn I feel like I’ve been swallowed into a black hole. Work is challenging and moving to a new city and not knowing anyone is even more challenging. I’ve been wanting to write about my job and experience somewhere, maybe here, maybe LinkedIn, maybe just a diary- just to vent and tell my story. I don’t want to complain about it (for the most part) but just write about my experience- I feel it’s been unique compared to most recent grads. To give a brief explanatory of what I mean by this, I am one of four females in my department and the only female on my team (and my team is 60 people… and the department about 3x that size) and the experience with that has been a huge challenge and learning curve that I cannot even begin to dive into it just now. This blog might change into something more substantial than just sugaring tales one day… but for now I’ll try to keep it relevant.

So sugaring. I know my last bullet point said I quit- which I basically did. I mean I still have my account and I haven’t checked it in some time but I did update my location when I moved here and decided I would give it a shot. Sure enough, messages started coming in from Seattle, Portland, and various other cities in the Pacific North West. It was the same deal; some looking for prostitutes, some promising luxurious get away’s and high allowances, and some very very weird ones.

I messaged back a couple, none really engaging to me. One particular (and very long) message stood out. I’ll paste it below:

Hi,

The reason I am writing is I have a simple question for you. Would you be willing to consider an arrangement with a 66 year old man? You didn’t mention an age preference so here I am. Check out my profile to see if it resonates. 

“The girl next door type” definitely holds appeal for me. That’s why I’m contacting you. Although I must say you look quite lovely, if not exotic, in your profile dress. Not being a “Ken” I’m certainly not in search of a “Barbie” so no problems there. I see you desire “attentive, flexible schedule, trips/vacations.” Well, no question I can deliver on those wishes. Although I can’t say I have any puppies, I do have Charlie, my standard poodle, who was definitely a puppy when I got him.

More good news is I can certainly afford to do this and you’ll find me upfront about my desires. I seek simplicity. Your offer of laughter, good food and adventure greatly appeals to me. I seek no drama. No lies. Absolutely no skulduggery from you or from me. I lead a hectic, complex business life and I’m seeking an occasional fun escape from it. I’m honest about what I want and won’t waste time: yours or mine. Assuming you are of good character you’ll find compassion and kindness in my company. In addition I’m certainly willing to communicate as you can plainly see.

If your answer is “yes” to my inquiry, I would appreciate an email sharing any additional ideas and/or questions you may have about exploring a possible arrangement with me. After all, communication is a two way street. I’m interested in what’s on your mind and happy to answer any/all questions. At my age I’ve nothing to hide and speaking of nothing to hide, if you are interested in exploring a possible arrangement with me, I’d be happy to explain in detail my idea of an arrangement along with the benefits I have to offer. 

If your answer is “no” to my age or profile in general, I will make my final exit by saying you appear to be a fun, attractive young lady and I wish you all the best life has to offer. 

Good luck in your search!

Ray.

I won’t change Ray’s name like I did the others. Although if I did, I would have to choose Santa because that’s what he looks like in his pictures. Yep this guy was a good 270 pounds of GRANDPA. By no means was I attracted to him. But he was polite (first paragraph was responding to quite a bit of material I had written on my profile page) meaning he had actually taken the time to read my bio rather than just flip through my pictures. And that is something I appreciated. Maybe it was the loneliness of just wanting to chat, so I messaged him back. I told him I wouldn’t normally consider of that age, but I keep an open mind. We messaged back a bit that day, he was very polite, never asked for my number or more pictures. He owned jewelry franchises in 3 different states. He was divorced and very wealthy. He offered $500 for the first dinner date, strictly platonic and if we agreed to an arrangement I would receive a  $1500 allowance per “weekend” that we would spend together- Friday through Sunday (traveling and what not…) He was looking for me to spend at least one weekend a month with him, two if our schedules both fit. We agreed to meet at a very upscale restaurant downtown the following Sunday.

To give you all a better understanding of this time line. Ray messaged me on a Sunday- we chatted quite a bit and agreed to meet exactly a week later on the following Sunday. So what comes between two Sundays? A FUCKING WORK WEEK, RAY. This girl is a 40+ hour professional, whose job twists her tits every day. Ray’s true colors came out during the week. He emailed me. Constantly. I don’t check personal email at work. Nor do I feel like I should. Ray knew I had a job, but maybe he’s used to other sugar babes with all the time in the world.

It made me think… how many full time working women are on this site? Probably not a lot.  I didn’t really care about the money anymore. $1500 a weekend is good in hindsight, yes, but that’s a full 48+ hours of my time. I make more than $1500 in my 40 hour work week. I know you can’t measure them in the same playing field because a weekend is consecutive hours and not 8 hours allotted a day like in a week. I was just more insulted that Ray couldn’t respect my time as a working professional woman. I wasn’t on his clock. Long story short, on Monday morning Ray emailed me asking if I could call him so we can chat voice to voice, he listed his number. I got off work that night checked the email, ignored it because I was tired and put a mental note to respond or call him the next day. Fast forward to Tuesday, I get off work- go on my email to respond to Ray and tell him to be expecting my call soon and I see this email:

  Hi, Michelle,
 
  It’s interesting you didn’t call yesterday. Especially since you had all day to do it. If you aren’t for real, no hard feelings. If you are just entertaining yourself by messaging people on SA, absolutely no hard feelings again. I understand many people use SA as their entertainment. They like the attention they  normally don’t get in real life. However I have to save my limited free time for people who are serious about doing this. If I was retired I wouldn’t mind spending the time, but I’m not. I lead a very active life and changed my schedule for you.
  Best wishes
  Ray
So keep in mind this was sent on Tuesday after I didn’t respond to his email on Monday. Some of you will probably agree with him. I should of responded Monday. But Ray knew I worked and for him to jump from politely asking me for a phone call to:
I understand many people use SA as their entertainment. They like the attention they  normally don’t get in real life.
Well fuck me right. Ray, the Santa Claus Grandpa, called me out for being an online attention seeking hoe. Maybe he had a point, I did initially respond because I was lonely- but I have NEVER stood a guy up. I play the rules. I had every intention to call and meet Ray. I shot him this message back:
Hi Ray,

I apologize for not getting back with you sooner. I don’t have email set up on my phone so I check it every few days on my laptop.(Ok yes this was a lie I should of just said I didn’t want to call him the day before) I was hoping to plan a specific day to do a call this week so I can make sure we can coordinate it around our schedules, as I work and have limited free time too. 
For your knowledge, no I do not “entertain” myself on Seeking Arrangements. You can probably log on and see that I haven’t been on that site in days. Honestly, since we agreed to meet, I didn’t continue conversation with anyone. That’s just not the person I am. I understand my consistency in replying via email these past two days is not up to your standards. Let me know if you’d still like to chat.
Ok so sassy email shot back. A few minutes later I get this:
Unfortunately I don’t have a good feeling about this. No hard feelings but I don’t have the time to guess if it’s for real or not.
 
   Good luck to you, but I think it’s best if we forget it.
 
    Ray
I wasn’t surprised. Mr. Busypants didn’t like being sass’d to by his potential sugar baby. I actually felt empowered and my only regret was saying I apologized in my previous response. If he couldn’t respect my time, I couldn’t respect his.
I haven’t been on SA since. Like I mentioned, I’m consumed with work but that’s another post for another day.
Hope you all enjoyed this long and less than dramatic post.
-M
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4 thoughts on “No Time 4 U

  1. Its funny I had this conversation about the expectation of returning emails/communication in the sugar space the other day with a POT.

    And the male perspective if you will is that when two people don’t know one another, then any action is analyzed from the perspective of what trend does this setup. For example if I”m someone who responds back pretty rapidly and then don’t respond to an email – the general expectation is that well I don’t like what I’ve read and I”m done with this conversation. I’ve been on both sides of this, I’ve assumed that of someone who I speak with, andhad that assumed of me. Its normal I suppose – you have nothing else to go on. And generally I think that men and women end up feeling vulnerable when they put themselves out there, on a site like this, and they seek validation in the responses they get. (an example being that people get offended if the other says they’re not the right fit, or don’t meet allowance expectations etc.).

    So if you were super responsive before and weren’t for a bit, thoughts cross minds – the doubt plays tricks. I know I’ve thought that through.
    THe hardest thing is that we have to adjust to the mentality that this is NSA. I think part of it is humans are so programmed to think not in that perspective (in normal social structures) so SA is really about a mind shift.

    Anyways I rambled – thoroughly loved reading your profile! I had a couple of thoughts and wanted to contact you through your blog, but alas that wasn’t setup – perhaps on purpose. Would love to connect though. Cheers!

    Like

  2. Hello!

    I hope this message finds you well. I’m reaching out because I’m an academic researcher working on a project about women’s experiences in the sugar dating world, specifically as sugar babies looking for sugar daddies. If you’re interested and eligible, I’d love to interview you for the study. I am able to offer $25 for an interview, which lasts approximately one hour and can be conducted in person (if applicable) or online via Skype or Facetime.

    Please feel free to visit http://www.sugarbabyresearch.com for more information on the study and to take the brief entry survey I’ll use to follow up with you about an interview. You can also find me on Twitter at http://www.twitter.com/sugarbabystudy and Tumblr at sugarbabyresearch.tumblr.com.

    Best,
    Kavita
    http://www.kavitailonanayar.com

    Like

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