He’s Married.

It’s been quite awhile since I last wrote. I spent two weeks with my family and during that time I didn’t sugar and I rarely talked to my POTs. So I really don’t have much to catch you all up on. It’s interesting though to look at my stats. It seems my last post had quite a few readers from all around the world. I suppose the tags and the title draw attention.

Although I haven’t sugared in some time, I’ve spent quite a lot of time alone these past two weeks to reflect and think about everything. I toss over guilt, desire, self loath, empowerment, and confusion all in a night until all the emotions seem to bundle together and wrap around me. I’ve been quite anxious and have had to resort to over the counter sleeping pills if I want to fall asleep at night. I don’t think my anxiety is related to my sugaring at all but I think my anxiety will affect my sugaring in the future if that makes sense. Anyway, you are here for a story, and I shall tell you one. This story is with another POT, only the day after with Papi.

After a night with friends, I was feeling refreshed and my guilt had faded to a numbing sting. I woke up with a text from an unknown number asking if I’d like to get lunch. He mentioned his name in the text. I couldn’t remember who he was from SA and couldn’t remember when I had given him my number so I logged on SA and scrolled till I found his name. I suddenly remembered why I had given him my number, he was all cash money talk. I actually used his initial message in a previous post. Here is what he sent me:

You’re very beautiful. My budget is $1500 – $3000 per month. I am willing to do a monthly budget. Meeting once a week.
If you prefer a per meeting scenario – $400 – $500 to begin.
First meeting for coffee / lunch/ drinks/ dinner $100 – and I pay obviously for our food & drinks.
I am messaging you because I think you are attractive, I would prefer to meet soon.
I am not a waste of time, and will do what I say.

I don’t show my face in the private photo, it is so you know I am not overweight. Because of my profile in the business community I prefer to send my face photo via text.

I was cash hungry and I figured even if I didn’t like him, I’d least get $100 bucks for lunch. So we agreed to meet at a popular upscale restaurant around noon. As I was getting ready, I reread our many conversations on SA. They were all mundane, just casual chat about this and that and what we were looking for. I realized I hadn’t even looked at his profile so I clicked on it. There is was… under Relationship Status…. Married but Looking.  I stopped. I picked up my phone to cancel the date but I didn’t. I tried not to think about it but I imagined his wife. I wonder what she thought he was doing on this afternoon. She probably didn’t think being a Sugar Daddy. I told myself I would take the $100 from the date but not pursue it further.

Walking up to the restaurant for a first date will always be the worst part of the experience for me. I still get nearly sick from nerves. He, lets call him Mr. Fox, gave me the impression he was already inside. However, that was not the case. I walked in and upon realizing he was not there, told the hostess I was waiting from someone and then I sat on a near couch. I fiddled with my fingers for a good five minutes until Mr. Fox walked in. He was handsome. Very tall and in a business suit. He seemed late 40s with his black hair but with a slight silver hint to it. I stood up and gave him a handshake. He looked at me, didn’t smile, and gave what I believe was a sigh of almost disgust. I may be over analyzing the situation but within the first 5 seconds I felt as if he didn’t like me at all. Not one bit. We sat down at the table and Mr. Fox who still hasn’t said a SINGLE word to me, pulls out his phone and begins texting. I sit there waiting for him to say something like, “Yeah I just got an important message from work, I got to go” or some lame excuse to leave the date. I felt self conscious, offended that he didn’t like me, but I shoved those feelings down and sat straight up and stared at him confidently, patiently waiting for him to say or do something.  Neither me nor him said anything and it was the waiter to come break the looming silence. Mr. Fox, not looking up from his phone, orders a white wine. I get a water with lemon. The waiter leaves us with the menu. I’m starting to get angry. I feel my face get hot and I contemplate just walking out. Then suddenly he stops texting, looks at me, and says “So tell me about yourself. Why do you even want this?” He looks miserable, as if I was some child he was babysitting. I launch into my usual pitch; how I was physically and emotionally attracted to older men and how with college, my income was a bit dry. I made sure to mention that I was NOT desperate for money, but instead I viewed it as an added bonus. I don’t think he was pleased with my answer. He didn’t comment on anything relevant to my answer and instead asked me about school. After I told him I had recently graduated, he mentioned that he just returned from his son’s college graduation in New Orleans from Tulane. I was surprised when he picked up his phone and open his photos to show me dozens of pictures of the recent trip. Family photos. With his wife. His beautiful sophisticated looking wife. And his daughter. Who looked like Gigi Hadid with her beautiful blonde hair and Louis Vuitton bag. Looking at his photos I thought I understood his dislike towards me. His wife and daughter were absolutely stunning in their looks and fashion. Heels, dresses, full makeup. Maybe he thought I was sloppy with my skirt, top, and sandals. Maybe he had this expectation to beauty with the women he wanted and I just didn’t match that. I’ve told you all that I view myself as a plain Jane so this conclusion only seemed logical to me.

When the waiter came I ordered a salad and he got a plain chicken breast with a side of asparagus. After the waiter left, I mustered the courage to ask him how he found himself on SA. His story was unusual. When his son decided to attend Tulane for college, Mr. Fox decided to research all about the school. He came across an article talking about Tulane girls and SA, and how the school was quickly gaining many sugar babies. It prompted him to make a profile. Mr. Fox was picky. He only had one arrangement before, and it was not a relationship. They met up once a week or less depending on their schedules at a hotel room. They would usually get dinner and drinks and then go back to the hotel for a few hours. It was all about sex to Mr. Fox (although he didn’t mention the word) but I could tell he was the type of man that if you ever accused him of getting a prostitute he would sincerely be offended. What I found more interesting is that Mr. Fox proceeded to tell me that he often had first dates with girls only to find out they were in some sort of financial trouble and sugaring was their solution; and he would help them with nothing in return. He specifically talked about one girl who had some debt from college. After one date with Mr. Fox, he liked her so much he agreed to pay off her debt little by little. He did not want to have an arrangement with her. He told me he could never be attracted to someone who felt like they needed to hang out with him only to get out of financial trouble (ummm hello then stop being a Sugar Daddy cause 90% of the girls are like that). Anyway, he thought this girl was brilliant and after she graduated he called an old friend and got her a good job in a firm in California. So I couldn’t really get a read on Mr. Fox and the type of girl he was looking for. It seemed to me he wanted someone that wasn’t in it for the money, but only wanted to do once a week meetups, but also accepted his money…? I also found it perplexing that his initial message to me was all money talk. He also mentioned how he went on one first date and the girl was flirty and touchy and he told her he found her behavior extremely inappropriate and he left the date. Yikes.

Over the course of the meal, Mr. Fox started warming up to me. I’d like to think I charmed him with my witty personality but who knows why. He even laughed a little as I talked about my Salt Daddy experience with Stars. It didn’t bother me anymore that I thought he might think I was unattractive or maybe better looking in my pictures. I didn’t catfish him. Those photos on my SA account are completely unedited and don’t even have a filter for crying out loud. Instead, I was focused on just finishing my lunch and having a decent conversation with him. Because he was married I didn’t want to pursue this, so I thought it to actually be a good thing if he felt the same way. And right when things were going well, he cuts me off in the middle of my story about why Tulane was actually MY dream school, to ask me “So what’s your reason? You’re a smart girl, I can tell that. I know you’re sugaring because you’re in trouble with money. Tell me.”  Ha.Ha.Ha. So Mr. Fox thought I was only sugaring for the money. I guess he took my whole “physically and emotionally attracted to older men” as complete bullshit (which it’s not, but he was right in the sense I went on this date in the first place for the 100 bucks). But I decided to play along. I could tell Mr. Fox liked to be right and in control and I was going to grant him that simply because it was easier (and his story about not having sex with that one girl and paying off her debt intrigued me…) I launched into my story about being 3 grand in debt with my old sorority and how it ruined my credit score (all is true). He listened and asked many questions about the collection agency, interest fees, etc. The entire conversation flipped and even after the waiter cleared our plates we sat and worked out my problem. He didn’t mention about “paying off” my debt but he was genuinely trying to help me fix my problem. He gave me great advise about downloading an app where I could record my phone calls with the debt collectors and sorority headquarters. I pulled up the old emails and we calculated how much fees were added on. He completely agreed that I had been ripped off and that the sorority only billed me after I had quit. He told me I needed to call the collection agency again (and this time record it) and he had me write down a list of about 10 very specific questions he wanted me to ask them. It was so helpful. It wasn’t a date anymore. I knew he was helping me not because he wanted to sleep with me but because he cared. And as shitty as Mr. Fox is for cheating on his wife and for treating me like shit for the first 15 minutes of our date; I concluded that he was a good man.

When we finally wrapped up, he walked me to my car. He pulled out his wallet and handed me a crisp $100 dollar bill. I thanked him, and thanked him again for the financial advice and shook his hand. Then suddenly, Mr. Fox’s poised confidence flickered and he awkwardly asked  “Well can I give you a hug? It was truly nice to meet you and talk to you.” I laughed and said of course and we hugged goodbye. It wasn’t romantic but it was genuine.

Since my meeting with Mr. Fox, he hasn’t texted me asking for a 2nd date or an arrangement (which I figured he wouldn’t) but he has followed up upon my financial situation. I did call the agency again and followed his instructions and asked all the detailed questions. And this time the agency approved my request for an Official Dispute of my debt which is great news! I might not even have to owe it anymore and they can take it off my credit which would be fabulous. So as cheesy as this sounds, Mr. Fox gave me something better than money. He gave me knowledge, skills, and advice to fix my problem rather than giving me a handout to solve it. And I actually appreciate that. I can admit that I’m young and dumb and yes it would be amazing to have someone say “Oh $3000? That’s nothing sweetie. I’ll take care of that for you.” But at the end of the day, I wouldn’t learn anything and if I ever find myself in a situation like this again I wouldn’t know what to do. But because of Mr. Fox, I understand specific strategies and solutions. It’s like having someone teach you how to change a flat tire. Yes it would be nice to sit in the car while he changes it for you, but it’s more beneficial if you sit and learn how to do it as well. So yeah, Thank you Mr. Fox. Did this change my whole perspective on sugaring? No, it didn’t. I’m not sugaring to solely get out of debt as Mr. Fox believes. Even if I was debt free, I’d still do it. It’s company I enjoy and the money is as I mentioned, a nice bonus.

Well that’s my surprisingly positive story about an initial really shitty date with a married man. Some things turn around in the most interesting ways I suppose.

xoxo

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